with your own penis?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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