Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
