I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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