I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
