I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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