This beer is not sobering me up at all
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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