I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
