oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
