Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
