If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
