how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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