The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
