did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
