Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
