Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
