Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
