At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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