Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
