alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
