hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
