Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
