In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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