Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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