Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
