well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
