Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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