Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
thus making me awesome and them whores
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
