don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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