You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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