if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
even my farts smell like vagina
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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