i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
