i don't like sucking hair
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
