So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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