I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
