I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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