worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
