Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
