Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
