So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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