hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
