I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
