Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
