win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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