Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
