Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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