I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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