WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
