He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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