Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
