You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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