okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
