You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
