thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
