nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
