Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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