break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
