Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
